She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
