I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize