The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
