How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
