..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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