I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize