perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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