Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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