Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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