I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Randomize
