You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
