when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
