I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I sprained my soul last night
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
