Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
