at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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