everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
