She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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