He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
