Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
