Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
