let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
