So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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