You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
