I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
