This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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