my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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