i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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