I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
