the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
