Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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