More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
did i just pee glitter
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
