In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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