I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize