Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
