I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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