You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
