I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
