maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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