so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
