I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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