hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
