A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
