you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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