I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize