Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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