it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I deserve this hangover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
