I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
