how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
