peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
