I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
