the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
