We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize