Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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