yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
