foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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