This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
