i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
