U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
