she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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