They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
my liver is dry heaving
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize