he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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