two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
